Still

Still very much in love and behaving like a teenager. I adore him and love the way he makes me feel.

Blankets

When feeling exhausted and tired, I need a blanket. it immediately makes me feel better. I adore the feeling of being tucked in, embraced, safe and secure. Warm and covered. 

Substitute with the arms of a loved one when a blanket is not available.

Music in my ears

Why is it that I only listen to the sad songs when they have the power to make me even sadder?

Space

Space occupies room of different sizes. Space is surrounded. Space in itself should be hollow, empty, defined by nothing in it and something around it.

Then why does this space in me hurt so much? Why does it make me cry? Why does it feel bigger than I am? Why does it feel more than I can handle?

Meanwhile, in my heart...

... there is an abundance of feelings on a rollercoaster.

I have never felt this before. Being complete. Having found my other half. Having found a soulmate. Being totally in tune with someone. Enjoying silence. Being defined by time apart.

He is filling a hole in me that I didn't know existed. He ticks ALL the boxes. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. He makes me strive to be a better person, a better version of ME. He is unique.

I feel I am the most ME with him than I have ever been before. I tell him everything. I have not once lied to him. I laugh more when being with him. I want to explore, understand, feel, experience, live, laugh, love with him.

But he cannot be mine.

Relapse

It feels like a relapse. Anything could have triggered it. I heard a lot of songs the last days that seem to have been written about me. About us. The lyrics went straight into my heart and the pain was overwhelming. The pictures on his blog make me think what he could be if he wanted to. They remind me of what I like (d?) about him. But they also remind me that he didn't want to be that neither for nor with me.

Now was too soon.

Overwhelming

Someone pulled my ribs apart, but instead of pulling my heart out, he kissed my soul.